The nurse helped us get the baby seat in the car and we left the hospital a family of three. We posed joyfully by the front door with our newborn son, Evan, and went in to begin our lives as parents. Then the fun began.
No one told me about the awesome weight of responsibility of raising a child....or maybe they had and I was caught up in the euphoria of pending motherhood and I glossed over that bit. I think I was more focused on getting the nursery ready and hanging up sweet little outfits to worry much over whether I would be able to cope. I probably should have payed better attention.
A strange thing began to happen. Every evening about 4pm, I would start a slow rise to panic. I had trouble focusing on the tasks at hand, my breathing was a bit more rapid, and I couldn't seem to calm myself. I tried a hot cup of tea, breathing exercises, mental pep talks, but not much helped. Day after day this strange feeling would grip me and by the time my husband got home from work, I was a tense mess and he noticed the shaky ground on which I stood.
One day he said to me, "What's wrong that you can't settle down? Why are you so tense?" In a rush then, it all came out. I was a miserable wretch of a mother. I was not going to be able to care for Evan as I should and I knew he would cry in the night and I wouldn't hear him. I was sure he would stop breathing and again, I would be unaware and he would die. The tears poured from my eyes as I told my dear husband of my fears and I stood in front of him sure he recognized me now for the fraud I was. I was not enough.
He gathered me in his arms and said these words. "You are not alone. I am here to help you." The relief that flooded over me at that point was incredible. To this day, 21 years later, I still remember it and the peace that came from knowing John had my back.
God our Father tells us we are not alone. He says that nothing is too much for Him to handle and for us to bring our cares to Him because He cares for us. Whatever we are going through, He's got our backs and we can rest. Psalm 121:4 says, indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. We can rest knowing the God of the universe is on call and will be our source of strength when we can't do anymore.
What are you worried about today? Is it your job (or lack of a job)? Is it your children? Maybe you're worried about your health and test results that are pending. Maybe you've been piling so much on your own shoulders that you are reaching the place of panic. Allow our Father to put his arms around you and listen to Him when he whispers to you, "You are not alone. I am here to help you."