Sunday, July 3, 2011

I am my Beloved's, and He is mine.

This week i really just want to say thank you to Jesus. I have been feeling a little out of sorts, honestly for quite some time now.. (about 9 months). It just feels like ive been in one of those desert places, you know.. where you're just wandering around dry and thirsty, praying for an oasis up ahead. Just hoping to get a glimpse of the passionate, life altering love that you once knew so intimately. I have been graduated from Bible School for a year now and after i left i was so 'on fire' for God, i talked about Him all the time and i prayed and read my bible everyday.. I went to Africa to teach about the Love of God... and after i returned its like that drive and passion seemed to whither and fade into the background of life. Slowly i stopped reading my bible as much, and i wasnt giving Him very much of my free time and just the same, His presence seemed more distant, i didnt feel Him around me as much. I didn't see him or hear Him like i had when everyday was spent in worship and deep study of His word.. It felt like our love was growing cold (at least on my end).
So in a fury last night i sat in my car in the driveway crying and yelling at God about the way my life has been going recently.. Demanding that he speak to me, that he give me some reason for letting all this happen to me. I mean, i had been doing all these great things for him after all, i thought we were good, and then He pulls away from me and im left to fend for myself... i felt so alone, i was scared and angry and my heart was breaking... and then in the dark of the night, my face swollen with tears.. i hear Him begin to sing over me...

"You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me yeah now"-Tenth Avenue North(Beloved)

.. How could i have forgotten.. How could i think He didnt care, or He didnt love me anymore or that He wasnt there with me all along. He loves me more that i will ever know and it was pride that made me believe any credit for our relationship was due to something i did. I want to thank Him now for never leaving me or giving up on me. I want to give Him praise because He is worthy of everything i have and am.No amount of death, or pain, or separation will ever be enough to keep us apart. No matter how long this lasts, or what i lose in the process, my life will glorify Him who gave his life for me. No matter how far i go or how long of a journey it takes to get there I will never stop seeking Him.. He is my home, my only Peace, my only Beloved, and I am His.


  1. Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Laura. Those dry seasons can be so difficult.

  2. Been in a bit of a dry season as well, Laura. What I appreciate about you is your passion and you heart of LOVE for the Lord. I don't see the "behind the scenes" anxiousness, but I can understand because it's there for me as well. It's good to know that as sisters in Christ, we share the same thoughts, emotions, and frailties and that Jesus loves us 100% despite them. YOU are amazing and I tell everyone about you and how they need to meet you!!!

  3. Thank you, Laura for your open honesty. It's so easy to forget, or just lose sight of the Savior in busy happenings of life. But, thanks be to God, He doesn't lose sight of us! I feel His presence most tangibly when I am reading His word daily and taking my life to Him in prayer. It sounds like such a simple answer, but it has never failed me. "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you" (James 4:8).

  4. Laura, it's Jennifer again. I need to apologize if my earlier comment came off as callous or dismissive. I really do feel your loneliness and ache for God's comforting touch. I have been there myself. The thing that helps helps me most is His wonderful truth in verses like Romans 8:38 - 39 (you quoted) and Heb 13:5b. Forever you are His.