Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Aspects of God and Motherhood

I have always wanted to be a mom. When my friends in elementary school were all dreaming of the big important jobs they were going to do when they grew up, I only ever wanted to be a mom who stayed at home with her children. God has graciously allowed my dreams of motherhood to be realized, and even more fully then I had imagined. The wonderful parts and the ugly painful parts. I have had the privilege of giving birth to 4 beautiful babes. My very first baby, a little girl we named Hannah, was carried to Heaven before she was 2 days old. We knew 4 months before she was born that she would not live much past birth but I carried her to term anyways, because I was her mother and I wanted to protect her any way I could. It was a devastating loss and I grieved deeply for my daughter ,who I felt at the time, was stolen from me. To this day it is the deepest sense of loss I have ever experienced.

Since then I have given birth three more times to healthy, wonderful children who make me laugh every day. Through somewhat miraculous means our family has been given the opportunity for me to be a stay at home mom. I can honestly say that there is nothing else I would rather do then to be here for my children's every moment and to guide them as they grow. I am still expanding my horizons at a mom as we walk through the adoption process for 2 more children from Africa. These children are not my flesh and blood and I even have yet to see them face to face but I have cried over them, grieved in my heart the loss of their birth family, worry about them and feel the anxiety of not being able to get to them fast enough - just like I do over my own birth children.

All of these experiences as a mom have deepened my walk with God as I compare them to how He relates to us. He has felt the loss of His only son. The Father knew it was coming and yet he allowed the difficult plan for His son to be carried out- to protect us. He is our Father and He loves us unconditionally. We are made in His image and there is nothing we can do to make God love us any less, just the same as I love my children deeply, more then myself, no matter what they might do. He delights in us and rejoices over us. He has adopted us as his own. At a time that we did not even know God, he was agonizing over us, loving us, teaching us and guiding us. The God of heaven and earth loves YOU and calls you His child. Wow. Tell me that doesn't make you feel special!


  1. Heidi, I can only begin to imagine the pain you experienced with losing your Hannah. My heart was torn as I read your words and I am so glad you shared that painful part of your journey with us. You continue to be an inspiration to me and to all who meet you and your husband.

  2. Hey Heidi, Thanks for sharing more of your journey in this post. I felt some of your pain as I read about the loss of your little girl. It was a blessing to read how God has used your biological children and your adoptive ones to reveal His love for you at a deeper level. Praying for you while you wait for your your other two to come home to you.