Microwave Mishaps: A Lot Like Relational Messes

Ever make a mess in the microwave? I mean the really big kind of mess? You know, like maybe you went to heat up a hamburger on a plate that had ketchup on the side and for some reason you thought it was a good idea to nuke it for a minute? Not that I would personally know anything about that (wink, wink, nod, nod) but I imagine that would make a whopper of a mess. Every snap, pop, and hiss would indicate another splatter of ketchup all over the inside of the microwave. And, if for some reason, known only to God, you just stood there and let it continue for the full minute…well, you get the picture, right? Sigh.

Yep, just did that a few minutes ago. I don’t know what I was thinking. But while I was cleaning it up, it suddenly gave me a picture of the mess I sometimes make with my relationships. The similarities are frighteningly striking.

To begin with, I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing and that’s often how I get into trouble with my relationships. I say or do things without taking just one little nanosecond to think it through. It’s like someone switched my brain to “off”. I recently sent a friend an e-mail, that, in the back of my mind I knew was a bad idea, but in the midst of a brain blip, I hit “send”. What was I thinking? Oh wait…I wasn’t. You’re feeling my pain right about now, aren’t you?

With the microwave incident, however, I at least had the wherewithal to clean up the mess right then and there. Can you imagine how long that would have taken if I had walked away and let it sit? I wonder how much easier our lives would be if we would clean up our relational messes as quickly. How much more peaceful would our homes be, if we would apologize right away when we’ve been hurtful or inconsiderate? How much more peaceful would our churches be if we would be ready to accept an apology or simply not take offense so readily?

And what about those times that we walk away from the messes we created and leave the clean-up for someone else? We all know people who leave a trail of relational disaster behind them and expect others to follow along cleaning up the wreckage. But, in all likelihood we’ve each chosen what seemed like the easy way out rather than choosing humility, confession, repentance, godly sorrow, personal responsibility. I know I have. Sadly, my experience has been that the longer I wait to do the difficult or challenging thing, the harder it gets…just like dried up ketchup…it takes more time and more energy. Sometimes, if we wait long enough to clean up our messes we find that a relationship has been so tarnished, it may never be the same. What a shame. I hope the next time my neurons stop firing and I say or do something stupid, I will remember the ketchup and quickly take ownership and clean up my relational mess.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18

The Pity Party & the Whisper

OK, first, let's rewind 2 weeks... I wake up with severe pains in my chest/stomach area, can't figure out why - not persistant pains, very random. This continues for a few days, I end up in the ER... several doctor visits and tests (and I don't even know yet how much money in doctor bills) later the pain stops and I still have no answers to why they started. Next, my husband (a police officer who was recently hit by a car and suffered major injury to his ear) finds out that he failed his yearly physical exam because he couldn't pass the hearing test in the ear that was injured. And, to top that he has 30 days to get more detailed testing or he may be "pulled off the street". Seriously, God? That's 2, 3's a charm... Then I find out that my sister (a 35 year old mother of 3) may go to jail in a few weeks. All of this during the last few weeks of school and sports!


I tried really, REALLY hard not to let this all get me down, not to be consumed by my circumstances and to try to remember that He has a purpose in ALL things. But I slipped. Without even deciding, I slid right into my own personal pity party. Thoughts were flying through my head like these...

Your family is SO "Jerry Springer"

What in the world will you do if your husband's job is in jeopardy?

How did you not end up like the other screw-ups in your family?

What if something's really wrong with you and you don't find out???

I could go on and on about the thoughts that were in and out of my head. Thankfully, I know a loving God who whispered in my ear just when I needed Him to "You're a child of God. I define you. Everything else doesn't matter." Over and over again I kept hearing that (Hhmmmm, you think maybe he had a blog post in mind?). I'm not defined by the mistakes that people in my family have made. I trust in a powerful God that will take care of me through ALL things. He is there for me, when I ask and even when I forget - and start letting bad thoughts take over my head. God proved himself in such a big way. You see, I didn't ask for His help. He knew what I needed to hear and exactly when I needed to hear it. He pulled me out of my own personal pitty party with a whisper!

John 1:12 - Yet to all who received him, to those that believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.

A Red Letter Day

Today was a red letter day -- our little five year old Alaena Grace was seen by her cardiologist and she came through with flying colors. Everyone in the office is now aware of her great set of lungs! I was a hot mess trying to keep her quiet and her arms to her sides while the cardiologist smeared gel around with the probe and stickies with wires attached to them covered her little back. But his findings that the repaired holes in her heart showed no leakage and we don't have to go back for two years filled me with such JOY!!

My mind wandered back to the first time I sat in that same office. Still pregnant with Alaena, I clung desperately to Kristi Street’s hand. Kristi was my ears and voice during this visit - I was numb. This time, I was the one smeared with gel and being probed. I lay completely still thinking I would wake up soon from this nightmare. I listened to the doctor confirming there appeared to be holes in her heart. It was common in babies with Down’s Syndrome. The doctor met with me for an hour trying to paint a picture of other families that loved their children with Down’s Syndrome. I didn't believe him.

For I know the plans I have for you

We met, Alaena and I, face to face in the hospital. Alaena had holes in her heart as predicted, but she was so very little at 4 pounds and 2 ounces, they wanted her to gain weight before surgery. I didn't love Alaena at once. I was gripped in fear and asking God, “How could you do this to me? To us? Hadn't our lives had enough challenges already?” I bargained with God. I yelled at God. I cried buckets.

At five months of age, Alaena wasn't gaining weight. The holes in her heart were too big and it took all her little energy just to stay alive. We scheduled heart surgery for her. I prayed for Alaena but if she didn't make it I understood. I had learned lessons. I had been changed. God had used her to change me. I'm ashamed to even write these words but when FEAR takes over....

not to harm you but give you hope

What a miracle open heart surgery is - and on one so little. Not only did the surgery repair the holes in Alaena’s little heart but in mine too --stitch by stitch, moment by moment -- my heart was being repaired too. Love was growing. The plan that God had begun was being revealed in who I was becoming.

So five and half years later, we return to the same office. Our journey has gone from fear and alienation to a fierce love and pride in my little one’s accomplishments. The journey is still uncharted - but joy has replaced fear. Trust has replaced anger.

and a future....

How could God do this TO me? He did this FOR me!! I love this little pickle and all her ups and downs. We are on a journey -- one that is filled with hope and our planned future. What a relief it is that I can lean into Him on this journey. I still have to reach for my magnifying glasses when it comes time to change her diaper but God doesn't make mistakes and I'm claiming that!!

In case you haven't seen us running around the halls, may I take a moment to introduce you to my sweet Alaena?

The Aspects of God and Motherhood

I have always wanted to be a mom. When my friends in elementary school were all dreaming of the big important jobs they were going to do when they grew up, I only ever wanted to be a mom who stayed at home with her children. God has graciously allowed my dreams of motherhood to be realized, and even more fully then I had imagined. The wonderful parts and the ugly painful parts. I have had the privilege of giving birth to 4 beautiful babes. My very first baby, a little girl we named Hannah, was carried to Heaven before she was 2 days old. We knew 4 months before she was born that she would not live much past birth but I carried her to term anyways, because I was her mother and I wanted to protect her any way I could. It was a devastating loss and I grieved deeply for my daughter ,who I felt at the time, was stolen from me. To this day it is the deepest sense of loss I have ever experienced.

Since then I have given birth three more times to healthy, wonderful children who make me laugh every day. Through somewhat miraculous means our family has been given the opportunity for me to be a stay at home mom. I can honestly say that there is nothing else I would rather do then to be here for my children's every moment and to guide them as they grow. I am still expanding my horizons at a mom as we walk through the adoption process for 2 more children from Africa. These children are not my flesh and blood and I even have yet to see them face to face but I have cried over them, grieved in my heart the loss of their birth family, worry about them and feel the anxiety of not being able to get to them fast enough - just like I do over my own birth children.

All of these experiences as a mom have deepened my walk with God as I compare them to how He relates to us. He has felt the loss of His only son. The Father knew it was coming and yet he allowed the difficult plan for His son to be carried out- to protect us. He is our Father and He loves us unconditionally. We are made in His image and there is nothing we can do to make God love us any less, just the same as I love my children deeply, more then myself, no matter what they might do. He delights in us and rejoices over us. He has adopted us as his own. At a time that we did not even know God, he was agonizing over us, loving us, teaching us and guiding us. The God of heaven and earth loves YOU and calls you His child. Wow. Tell me that doesn't make you feel special!

Bloom Where You're Planted

Due to the craziness of my schedule lately, I've failed to highlight our ladies serving behind the scenes at Grace Life. Traveling around the church on any given Sunday, it's amazing how many women are at work, making sure all aspects of the morning run smoothly. Here is a random sampling of some of the smiling faces I met. I must add that they are ALWAYS smiling. I have yet to meet a grump.

Sandi Large, Lynn Lewis, and Kim Robinson were busy getting ready to worship with the little ones during the connect group hour. I snagged them for a photo before class began and left them preparing to have a time of singing, stories, and learning all about how Jesus loves them. Thank you ladies for your willingness to teach some of the smallest members of our congregation.

Don't you know little Noah was feeling the love from Wendy Kurtz? It's a blessing for moms and dads to get to hear the sermon or take part in a connect group and feel their little one is in good hands. Wendy, thanks for all you do in volunteering in the nursery!!

Sandra Briggs is doing one of the most important jobs for the little ones. Snack refill! If you haven't met Sandra yet, make it a point to say hello and share a smile with her. You'll love her like I do!
Debbie Buzard has been loving her time volunteering in the nursery. This particular day she is holding Alexis Montgomery and what a sweet time it was. Can't you tell by the look on Debbie's face that these are precious moments? Hannah, you might jut have a built in grandma in Debbie:)

Stick Charts and The Bible

Many years ago while my husband was in the Army we had the unique opportunity to live on an atoll in the Pacific. This was a very small atoll, ½ mile wide and 3 ½ miles long. This atoll, Kwajalein, was involved in WWII. We loved our assignment there. The atoll is, of course, surrounded by ocean and differs in its formation from that of an island. This huge area of ocean is cover by many small atolls and vast amounts of ocean are part of the Marshall Islands in an area known as Micronesia.

Our neighbors, the Marshallese, lived on the next island which we could see from our backyard. I became very fascinated by the history of the people who lived in this part of the world. The part of their culture that fascinated me the most was their ability to travel from atoll to atoll across vast amounts of Open Ocean without the aid of a compass. In ancient days this was accomplished with the help of a stick chart and an outrigger. Of course there were no maps or compass so they studied wave patterns and passed this knowledge down from father to son. The wave patterns were then captured by a type of map that would guide them. This was called a “stick chart”. There were shells attached to the patterns of the sticks and the shells would represent the atolls. I am sure that it took a long time to become knowledgeable enough to understand the language of the map or “stick chart”. By being able to read the “stick chart” they were able to reach their final destination safely.

In many ways the Christians life mirrors the knowledge of the “stick chart”. We as believers need help in navigating life’s perilous seas also. We need to seek the help of His Word that has been given to us as our “stick chart”. As we reflect on His Word we can be encouraged to know that He is faithful in all of our life circumstances to provide us with guidance, encouragement and His Love.

So what is your “stick chart” in life? Is it truly the Bible, God’s Word, or do you rely sole on the advice from parents…friends…..what the latest polls say….or internet to name a few? There is only one way to be sure that you are on the right path. That can only be found in the guidance that is found in His Book. This will never fail you. Psalm 119:133…”Direct my steps by Your Word, and let no iniquity have dominion over me”.
Seek direction and guidance in the Bible and you will always be headed in the right direction until you reach your final destination.

To God Be the Glory

"My nephew was killed today." I sit at my computer and read these words on the Facebook page of my dear cousin Curtis and my heart stops. I go into that mode where I doggedly try to gather information, sending emails and making phone calls, but with no luck. Tragedies take time to unravel.

How quickly events happen and families are left bewildered and questioning...feeling it all to be a bad dream from which they'll awaken and life will be like it was before. Electrocution is the verdict. Roof maintenance. His mother and father, my older cousins, had just sat at the picnic table and talked with him 30 minutes before. It couldn't be! But, it was.

Virginia is so green in May...much more a visual to life than to death. I drive on to Nelson County and the little country church by the stream where my family waits, gathered in small clusters here and there. Hugs and hushed voices, small laughs stifled because it's not right to laugh at a funeral...or is it? Such a hard time to have a family reunion, but that's really what it is borders on becoming...but we must behave and put our grown-up faces on for the sake of everyone.

A flag draped casket sits at the end of the aisle, reminding me that it is Memorial Day weekend...and reminding me of how little I knew about this cousin. What else didn't I know and why had I never taken the time? Oh, the regrets when we know it is too late.

"We're getting ready to close the casket." Mother takes one last look at her baby and sags in the arms of a supporter, sobbing quietly in protest and is led to her seat beside Father. The pastor tells stories of long ago and boyhood days, and asks us to stand and sing the song chosen for this occasion.

To God be the glory, great things He has done;

So loved He the world that He gave us His Son,

Who yielded His life an atonement for sin,

And opened the life gate that all may go in.

Refrain

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, Let the earth hear His voice! Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, Let the people rejoice! O come to the Father, through Jesus the Son, And give Him the glory, great things He has done.

The little church fills with the sounds of singing and I think of the words and am strengthened by the faith of this grieving couple. Burying their precious boy, yet singing Glory to our Lord....surely there is a lesson in this for me. What is my response when even the smallest of disappointments mar my day or even larger heartaches happen? I will remember this day, in this quiet little spot alongside the rushing mountain stream, and will seek to praise the Lord for the great things He has done.